When Your Valentine is no Longer Your Valentine

Cherie Bennett
Thu, 11 Feb 2010 00:00:00 -0800
Lifestyle

Hey, Cherie!

I hope that you can help me with this problem as we are getting close to Valentine's Day and I really don't know what to do. I'm a girl in middle school and have had my first boyfriend for a while. His name is Ramon and he is really nice. I like him a lot.

So you want to know what the problem is, right? The problem is that Ramon and I broke up unofficially at the end of January, only nobody knows it yet. There are a lot of people who know us as a couple, but Ramon and I made a pact that we wouldn't tell anyone about our breakup until we could have what I guess you would call an official breakup — which is like the first unofficial breakup only a little bit different.
Updated: Wed Feb 10, 2010

Hey, Cherie!

I hope that you can help me with this problem as we are getting close to Valentine's Day and I really don't know what to do. I'm a girl in middle school and have had my first boyfriend for a while. His name is Ramon and he is really nice. I like him a lot.

So you want to know what the problem is, right? The problem is that Ramon and I broke up unofficially at the end of January, only nobody knows it yet. There are a lot of people who know us as a couple, but Ramon and I made a pact that we wouldn't tell anyone about our breakup until we could have what I guess you would call an official breakup — which is like the first unofficial breakup only a little bit different.

I am pretty sure that Ramon and I are going to have an official breakup, but it will definitely be official if I don't get him a card for Valentine's Day. Part of me is ready to break up, but part of me also wants to get a valentine from him. I am so confused, Cherie, and I was hoping you could help me out.

— Valentine Confusion

Hey, Valentine!

Don't you just long for the days of first grade, when the classroom rule was that you couldn't just give a card to one person; you had to give one to everyone in the room? I remember coming home with 31 little cards, plus those funny candy-shaped hearts with sayings on them, like "I love you." Now I bet those candies are banned from classrooms because someone might be allergic, because they're bad for you or both.

But I digress.

I want to say that I haven't heard the unofficial breakup versus official breakup distinction, but I'm not sure it's such a bad thing, as long as the interval between the two is something reasonable, like a couple of weeks. I have seen too many public on-again/off-again/on-again/off-again/again-again-again couples in middle school and high school. While the drama is certainly spectacular, it can tend toward the tiresome. Better to set it up and then see what happens before going public, which leads to the Valentine's Day card issue.

Since you're in this in-between stage, my advice would be to get a card for Ramon. I bet you can find a card that expresses how you feel toward him, and if you can't find the right card, I bet you can make him one. As for whether he gets one for you? That's out of your control. But you will have done your part. And a lot times doing your part is the best that you can do.

Hey, Cherie!

There's a class at school called modern living that I really don't care about. I guess it is the equivalent of health class at a lot of other schools. My teacher says that I have a disruptive attitude because I do not follow the class discussion, do the reading, or do anything besides sit at my desk with my head in my hands.

I frankly don't care if I pass this class. I'm not talking to other kids or making noise, just doing my own thing. How is that disruptive?

— Zoning Out

Hey, Zoning!

It's disruptive because it's potentially contagious, that's why. At least that's how your teacher sees it. Other kids will see you with your head in your hands, not paying attention, and your teacher is afraid they'll copy you or think that it's OK.

In many public schools, there's not all that much that your teacher can do besides give you zip for class participation for your zoning out. I will say this: Modest attention in class will get you a long, long way. Try it.