Years in Teen Purgatory: To be Young and Not Cute

Cherie Bennett
Thu, 07 Jan 2010 00:00:00 -0800
Lifestyle

Hey, Cherie!

What do you do when you are 15 years old and the funkiest-looking guy in the whole school? That's me.

I can't even begin to tell you the nicknames that I have been called, so I will start by telling you about my appearance. I am overweight by a lot, shorter than average, have a big butt for a guy, and don't have very good teeth to say the least. I have hair that feels like Brillo and sometimes problems with zits.
Updated: Wed Jan 06, 2010

Hey, Cherie!

What do you do when you are 15 years old and the funkiest-looking guy in the whole school? That's me.

I can't even begin to tell you the nicknames that I have been called, so I will start by telling you about my appearance. I am overweight by a lot, shorter than average, have a big butt for a guy, and don't have very good teeth to say the least. I have hair that feels like Brillo and sometimes problems with zits.

While I do have friends, because I am generally a good person, there is still no doubt that I am the funkiest-looking guy in my whole school and no girl will ever give me the time of day. Now, we have all had sensitivity training and our school is good about stopping bullying, so I do not really get bullied. But that does not mean that any girl is interested in me romantically, which is incredibly depressing once you come to think about it. I think about it a lot.

I don't even know why I am sending you this letter. There is nothing that you can do about my appearance. I know you are going to tell me that beauty is on the inside and that looks aren't so important, but that doesn't help me all that much now. I guess I want you to know that there are guys like me out there, and we are good guys. We are suffering.

— Funkiest Guy in 10th Grade

Hey, Funkiest!

Your letter reminded me of how long I've been writing this column because of a letter I received in the first few months. It was from a girl who said she wasn't cute. Her mother was the only one who ever said she was cute, and that was because the girl looked just like her mother. Now? The girl is probably married and has a 5-year-old who looks just like her. But I digress.

I will tell you a little bit of the same that I told her, but with some changes, too. It is really, really hard not to be at least average-looking in high school. Almost as bad as the ridicule is the silent torture of being ignored, overlooked or even pitied. I take you at your word when you say that no girl is paying romantic attention to you. It has to hurt.

And it doesn't help all that much for me to reassure that just as the girl from the early years of my column is probably happily married, you will have relationships as you get older, and they will even be with girls that you define as gorgeous. Fact: Everyone can see deeper when they get older. Even teen girls. Even teen guys.

What do you do in the short term? You continue to be a good person. You make yourself as interesting a person as you can. You control the parts of your appearance that you can, by making yourself a healthy person. You get a firsthand lesson in the unfairness of life. And maybe, just maybe, this letter is going to help a great girl out there see the real you: The kind of great guy who'd bare his soul and write a letter like you wrote to me.

Hey, Cherie!

Why does anyone drink so much beer that they throw up? I did this on New Year's Eve, and it was the worst experience of my life. I will never drink again, not even in four years when I turn 21.

— Ralphed

Hey, Ralphed!

I've never drank beer until I'm sick, but I don't drink beer, period, and very little in general. I hope that your "I will never drink again" is your New Year's resolution, but I will settle for "I will never drink again until I'm 21." Really. Those laws are there for a reason. Thank you for not drinking.