Ethnically Speaking, February 13

Larry Meeks
Sat, 13 Feb 2010 00:00:00 -0800
Lifestyle

Dear Larry: I am 12 years old with a lot of friends. I am white, but my friends are all different races.

I have a grandfather who is visiting us for the second time in my life. He is from Alabama and does not like people who are not white. He uses words and phrases I do not understand. I asked my mother what he was talking about, and she got angry with me and said to be quiet and never repeat it to anyone.

She also told me I would get into big trouble if anyone ever heard me saying the things my grandfather said. It must have been really bad, because he and my mother got into a big argument and he went home.
Updated: Fri Feb 12, 2010

Dear Larry: I am 12 years old with a lot of friends. I am white, but my friends are all different races.

I have a grandfather who is visiting us for the second time in my life. He is from Alabama and does not like people who are not white. He uses words and phrases I do not understand. I asked my mother what he was talking about, and she got angry with me and said to be quiet and never repeat it to anyone.

She also told me I would get into big trouble if anyone ever heard me saying the things my grandfather said. It must have been really bad, because he and my mother got into a big argument and he went home.

I really want to know what he was saying, but I am afraid to ask anyone who knows me. Can you explain what "a nigger in the woodpile" means?

Grandfather said this when my friend came over to visit. He looked at her, and after she left, he said there must have been "a nigger in the woodpile."

He also used the term "nigger heaven." I don't remember what was happening at the time, just the phrase.

Please let me know what he was saying soon, because I need to write him a letter. — Jessica

Dear Jessica: Your mother is right. Do not use these words, because they are very demeaning and hurtful. I am glad your mother let you know certain things are right and what your grandfather was saying was wrong.

"A nigger in the woodpile" is a disgraceful way of saying the father of a child is black and the mother is white.

"Nigger heaven" is a phrase that was used when blacks and whites could not sit together, especially in a movie theater. The blacks were required to sit in the balcony. This place in the balcony was called "nigger heaven."

You didn't ask, but when you write your grandfather, you should be polite and respectful. Tell him that you love him very much. However, let him know that his intolerance of other races makes it very difficult for you and him to have a close relationship. Somehow your grandfather needs to know that the world has changed and that if you act like him, you are in violation of the law and in big trouble.

I suggest that you end the letter letting him know how much you love him, the importance of family, and how he must change for the sake of the family.

If you get a reply from your grandfather and you have any questions, please let me know.

Dear Larry: I am white, and my husband is black. My mother met him on the plane for the first time in 1968. She was 65 at the time, and she said to me, "Your husband is only dark-skinned." I interpreted that to mean he is a decent man. — Janet

Dear Janet: I agree with your interpretation. I have found that once you really know someone, skin color loses its racial meaning. It becomes no more significant than hair color, height, weight or any other physical feature.